The French: Hahahaha! We are the French! Haha! We are the best! Yes! We! (i know) Our r-ke-tek-shure slants and our armpits smell!
The Islamic Fundamentalists: WE are the Islamic Fundamentalists! We have radical ideals that we believe are perfect and deserve to be sought after, even at the cost of countless innocent human lives! We win the favor of our deity by dying for these beliefs... So we can't go wrong!
The Liberal Media: Well, WE are the Liberal Media! We don't give a damn about reporting actual current events unless they suit our political views, and our main objective is to spread ridiculous propaganda! We exist worldwide, and we are more dangerous than radical terrorists and the French put together! And we're more sneaky!
The French: Well! Now that we are all gathered here in beautiful France, home to all things weak and whiny, with the exception of our powerful body oder, let us begin our meeting!
The Islamic Fundamentalists: We demand that the French people defend our rights against U.S. persecution! Even more than they already have! We cannot possibly stand up to the might of the American military! That's why we resorted to terrorism in the first place! See? It isn't our fault! We're the victims!
The French: Of course, you're right! You, like us, the French, have NO military power! You had no choice but to blow up a bus or a school here and there! Overtly attacking a target that made some amount of strategic sense would have been suicide for you poor people!
The Liberal Media: Yes! Your people are poor and oppressed. You have few resources, and the richer of the nations of the world have always chosen to ignore your needs, rather than provide any aid. NO attempt has been made to relieve you and your people of the hardships you face every day! You HAD to resort to killing the innocent to make your point! If we had listened in the first place, this never would have happened!
The Islamic Fundamentalists: Yes! You all understand so well! If only the rest of the world were so willing to pay attention to our logic, instead of our vast oil reserves!
The French: Yes! Oh, um, yes! Your logic! We, the French, are not influenced at all by the oil fields of the Middle East!
The Liberal Media: Oh! Neither are we, the Liberal Media! We drive cars that hardly make sense in order to use as little gasoline as possible. After all, gas prises have risen these days! Oh, and the environment must be protected... Of course, the rise in gas prices has nothing to do with the few wealthy people who own the crude oil. No, these high gas prices are probably... President Bush's fault! Yes!
The Islamic Fundamentalists: Exactly. Now, to REALLY gain the support of angsty American teens and snotty adults that wish they were Europeans, we will need a massive anti-American, anti-war movement in France. The Liberal Media will need to center all of its attention on actions taken against the war and even America itself, while completely ignoring the terrible things we have done in the past! Also, no one can point out that we will continue doing these things, even as we are defended by people that know nothing about us!
The French: Why, that's genius! Very similar to how people who wish to seem cultured act French, even though they have never been here!
The Liberal Media: Yes! And how people who want to be seen as intellectuals drink expensive coffee while spitting out ridiculous opinions that we probably pulled out of our... To be politically correct: butts!
The Islamic Fundamentalists: What are you all talking about? France isn't cultured! England is! Why do you think we don't attack France? And liberals aren't intellectuals! They are blind puppets, used like pawns to perpetuate the spread of our ideas, all the while ensuring our safety from aggressive counter-attacks!
The French: But... We thought you liked us! We have always supported you!
The Liberal Media: What do you mean? We develop our own ideas, free of influence from anyone and everyone else!
The Islamic Fundamentalists: First of all, NO ONE likes France. Secondly, the only bit of originality that has come from liberals is the WORD original.
Don't hate me! I don't believe that ALL French are bad, smelly, snooty people! Um... Just most of 'em! And I don't think that every person in the Middle East is a terrorist. Not EVEN most of them! And I don't think that all liberals are idio... Okay. You can hate me for that one...