Please don't feed the Matt. (dontfeedthematt) wrote in wrongpolitics,
Please don't feed the Matt.


Old people are the most annoying people on the face of the planet. Not only do they DELIBERATELY not see you when they change lanes, but they drive so slow that you have to slam your brakes on just to avoid them when they do it. That, and I saw an old bat and her husband macking in a public place... A restaurant, no less. I guess it makes a difference that I was in CoCo's, anyway. That place's a haven for old fogeys. But you know what? When I get old, there are a couple of things I'm going to do, because if THEY get to do it, then I get to do it too!

1. I am going to call my kids at all hours and tell them about my gastro-intestinal problems. I will go into painstaking detail about when I use the bathroom and what happened during that time.
2. I will drive like I am drunk. If someone hits me, I will grab my neck and pretend to feel faint so they immediately are struck with guilt and agree to pay me as much as I ask for. This includes medical bills.
3. If I see a hooligan in a store trying to steal something, I will incessantly follow him around, reminding him that you can get more enjoyment out of a hard day's work than you can get out of stealing. I will remind the youngster that in my day, everyone was honest and got smacked on the hand with a ruler if they ever did something bad.
4. I WILL wink at nuns.
5. I will be hateful toward younger people with 'fancy hair' and 'hip clothes.' I will frighten small children by taking out my teeth in front of him. When they are thoroughly frightened, I will proceed to chase them with the aforementioned dentures while pretending to bite them with my disembodied chompers.

Oh, that's it for now... Some of the stuff I want to say shouldn't be read by anyone but Satan (or old people) so I'm going to end it here. Ciao, young'uns.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic